Sun 19th/Mon 20th

So this night was an extremely long night; I was still lying awake at 6am!

I had an awful night, emotionally. I had so many memories running through my head. A lot of of alters were having flashbacks, and dealing with tough emotions and feelings, and at that time of night, not many people are awake to help.

I decided to ring Samaritans but I struggle to talk, especially when you have DID and different personalities speaking all at once, you just don’t really know where to start or what to say. So I said that I was struggling to say what was wrong. The lady on the other end of the phone was quite rude and said “We’re here to help people deal with their feelings.” Now, just to explain how I was, I was tearful, almost crying, slightly panicky (breathing a little faster than normal but not full-blown panic attack) and had 3 personalities talking to me trying to explain what was wrong at the same time. The woman from Samaritans then said “Call back when you’re ready to talk” and hung the phone.

I was absolutely distraught. I felt like nobody cared, not even a helpline. It was the hardest thing ever to deal with. It really knocked me back even more and I couldn’t cope…. SO I struggled even more to sleep.

I heard my dad get up for work, at 6am… and fell asleep sometime after… to be woken by my alarm, and I had to get up at 8.30am

So yep… an extremely long night.

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